Written in 2005 – I really must learn not to do things on a whim. I was working in Devon and unexpectedly had the afternoon off. I decided there and then to “pop” down to Cornwall to see my parents. It was lovely to see them and have supper with them but it was a 250 mile trip! I was truly knackered. 

I don’t know if you have ever travelled to the West Country. If you have then you would have noticed how the soil turns pink the closer you get to Devon. I was driving through and noticed this colour change. What tickled me (pink obviously) was when I drove passed a pig farm. You couldn’t tell the difference between them and the field! 

It’s nice to know I’m not the only person who can make a fool of themselves when they have been drinking. I went clubbing with my friend on a Friday night and she went out with the intention of getting very drunk. She succeeded. We did turn to bottles water at one point to re-hydrate ourselves. She tried to drink hers with the lid still on. It took a while for her to notice too. Then while we were dancing she got stuck on some chewing gum and fell Arse over tit! I nearly fell over from laughing too much. 

I went to Brighton pride for the first time ever this weekend. It was brilliant. I was invited by a friend I met through work and his partner. They looked after me day and night. We went to pride in the afternoon and spent the whole time we were there drinking. I was in my element. People watching is one of my favourite pastimes, and there was a lot to watch. Loads of people were dressed up and some were nearly naked! Wild! In the evening we managed to get in to the pub that my brother works in but it got crowded very quickly. There were street parties going on all over the town but even they were heaving. We ended up sitting on the beach and talking. That was the nicest bit. 

I have decided that I should not be allowed out on my own as I’m not safe. Strange things happen to me all the time. Today I finished work early and thought I would get a bit of shopping in, a favourite pastime of mine. There was a strong thunderstorm brewing and while I was trying on some stuff the lights went out. It didn’t last long and the generator cut in so I just carried on with what I was doing. Next thing I knew they were evacuating everyone from the store and the alarms were ringing! I had just put on a top that didn’t fit very well but I still had to go and stand outside. The fire brigade turned up to sort everything out, embarrassing in itself, and we were standing outside for half an hour. I spent the whole time with my arms around my breasts because the top was showing nearly everything I have. The staff had to go inside first to make sure that things were okay and it was then that I realised that the label was hanging out, showing the world what size the top was! There was a happy ending though. When I got back in the shop they came up to me with a £5 gift voucher. I did find something I liked so that softened the blow…

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