Written in 2005 – Mental note to self… flip flops with a slight heel are beautiful but not to be worn when walking on a pier! It was so embarrassing; I was strolling along when my leg stayed behind me. It was quite a struggle to get myself free but I managed it eventually. I spent the rest of the walk looking for the disabled path so that I wouldn’t do it again. My companion thought it was hilarious.
Life on the road can be a very lonely one. Sitting in hotel rooms isn’t any different to sitting in my own flat but it seems worse. I can’t just pop round to see my friends and talking on the phone isn’t always the same. Sometimes you just need someone to put their arms around you and tell you that everything is going to be alright. At this precise moment I would like anyone to put their arms around me. I need closeness and it can feel like I can’t go on with out it. I know it sounds extreme but my emotions do sometimes get the better of me and I can only fight so much.
Getting over obstacles is a big part of my life and fighting them can get you down just as much as the obstacles themselves. I have been unlucky in love several times and it has taken a lot of mistakes to find out who my real friends are. I would say that my work has been the most plain sailing part of my life and even that had a rocky start.
I was just walking along Worthing sea front, with my head down as we insecure types do, when I spotted a lonely jigsaw piece. All I could think of was that there was a very pissed off person somewhere!
When you see depression and suicide portrayed on the TV they seem to focus on the darkness that comes over them. I thought this was a load of rubbish made up by the writers to get ratings. I realised recently that I was wrong to think that. Depression can overwhelm you at anytime. Once you have suffered the trauma or series of events that trigger it in the main, symptoms can pounce at anytime. I find that the tablets I take keep it at bay most of the time but things can still get on top of me. I have recently experienced one of the worse attacks in a long time. The darkness did indeed overwhelm me and at one point I could see no way out. Thankfully I recognise the signs now and I picked myself up and tried to take my mind off everything that was upsetting me. I was shattered the next day because I hardly slept at all. I did make myself phone my friends and my boss in order to talk and get things off my chest. However, it wasn’t until one of them phoned me in the evening and made me spill my guts that I felt a lot better. There is nothing more uplifting than finding out you have true friends to look out for you what ever you may do…