Written in 2004 –
When I was living with my ex he was always moaning that I didn’t have enough shoes. He thought the ones I did have were too masculine and I should buy some feminine ones like his friend had. If only he could see me now. I have more shoes than I know what to do with. My heels are getting higher and higher. I have however made a mental note not to wear new shoes, for the first time, when you go out clubbing. That was a painful mistake.
I have been separated from my ex for nearly two years now and I am so glad that we didn’t end up getting married. I thank him for that at least. I have had a taste of what he is capable of and I am grateful that I didn’t waste any more of my life on him. However that doesn’t make me feel any better when people around me are enjoying being together. It’s not just friends but strangers in the street and every programme you watch on the telly have soppy love scenes in. Every time I see something it brings a lump to my throat. I could have had a lovely wedding with a honeymoon to die for. I would have been desperately unhappy for the rest of my life but that doesn’t enter my head when I’m in one of those moods!
I do miss the company in the evening and having someone to go out with. I have my friends but they have their own lives and can’t pander to me all the time. It would be nice to have someone who wanted to know how I was at odd times of the day. Just ringing me up to talk. I would like someone who was proud to be seen with me, and wants to show me off to his friends and family. I have decided that I am not going for second best anymore either. I always believed that good-looking men would never give me the time of day. I went for the less attractive guys convincing myself that they had a sense of humour. That was a load of crap because they still managed to shit on me big time…