Written in 2004 – My job involves staying in lots of hotels. I stayed in one in Chichester where many strange things happened. I was in fact in my element because most of the motor racing mechanics were staying at this particular hotel. One night it was Mercedes, then Williams and BMW made an appearance too. When I went down for dinner they were sitting in the bar and I had to walk through them. How cool is that? There was one problem though; they were all speaking German so I couldn’t understand a word. They could have been saying anything about me but I just walked passed, wiggling my hips and smiling. What do I care what they think, they are only men after all and their opinion really doesn’t matter in my world anymore.
On my way back from dinner one of these nights, I saw a young couple who were struggling to get into their room, a bit worse for wear I think. I didn’t stop to help because I realised that the girl was standing there in just her bra and knickers. Her partner was trying his hardest to hide her from my view as I walked passed, but he wasn’t very successful.
Another night I was woken by a very loud argument going on in the hallway. It turned into a full-blown domestic dispute. The woman ended up in the car park insisting that one of the many members of staff that had joined her, called the police. Some of the hotel guests had arrived in the car park by now because they were in the bar having a drink. The police turned up with an ambulance because she was hurt. I found out that it was all happening in the room opposite mine. I was watching through the peephole in the door when the police entered the room. I heard them talking about broken glass on the bed when they escorted the man out of the room sporting a nice set of handcuffs. This was all happening in a city that I was told was nice and sedate!
Plenty of other things have happened while I have been on the road. I was travelling, sorry more like stationary, on the worlds biggest car park (the M25) and looking round for talent as usual. I didn’t actually spot any talent that day but I did see a businessman driving along with a Vicks stick up his nose!
Another of my lengthy driving trips made me laugh out loud. The driver of a car, which was a little way in front of me, threw a cigarette butt out of his window. It was dark at the time but I was a little shocked by the light show that was produced on the motorcyclists visor! The bike rider didn’t flinch at all but he must have noticed it! Thinking back now it could have caused a very bad accident but I am sure I would have put my first aid skills to use if they had have been missing.
I was once driving along a country road and had stopped temporarily because of road works. I looked to my left and saw something in the hedge that looked very suspicious. When I got a bit closer, I realised that it was a deer! I had never seen one so close and it was a fantastic feeling.
One weekend I dyed my hair and got a bit over zealous with the red streaks! It turned out OK in the end because I just don’t care what people think of me and I take it in my stride. I did cause trouble at the hotel with it though. I washed my hair and wrapped it in one of their towels, as I usually do. When I took the towel off it was covered in red dye. I thought about nicking it but hotels get your address when you check in now so I was bound to be caught. Instead I wrote them a note saying it was only hair dye and should wash out. No one said anything and I never did get a bill for a new towel.
I was still in that same hotel when I dropped a glass. It smashed and went everywhere. I tried to clear it up myself but it was in really small pieces. I had to call housekeeping in the end so they could Hoover it up. It was a posh Manor House hotel too. It was down a long drive and you couldn’t see any neighbours. While I was there a storm raged through the area. It caused trees to fall and power to fail. The wind whistled round the building and made the whole place wail. I was plunged into darkness and started to panic. The telly went off and the phone wouldn’t work either. I couldn’t phone down to get room service so I had to be sociable and eat with the other guests. The lights went off in there too but at least there were handsome waiters around who could save me if necessary.