Written in 2004 – Being hit by someone you love and trust can hurt more mentally than physically. I must confess, he didn’t hit me again after that night but the mental torture that followed dug me deeper and deeper into depression. It was only after we broke up that I realised, with the help of my GP, I was suffering. Hooray for anti-depressants! I was at the point that I thought I was worthless.
Looking back I should have known that he wasn’t good enough for me. The proposal wasn’t special at all. We were walking passed the jewellery store when he piped up with “do you want an engagement ring?” I was so shocked I just chose one there and then. When we got home he did get down on one knee, but he made sure no one was around to see him and he just mumbled something about loving me really. Despite the lack of romance, I was over the moon. I had convinced myself, with his help, that this was as good as I was ever going to get.
Due to him, I have learned the value of friends and family because without them I don’t think I would have made it over this hurdle. With their help and that of the pills, I began to come alive. People were recognising the old me.
At one point I was referred to a psychiatric nurse which really made me take a long hard look at my life with the dreaded ex. I was finally talking about stuff I hadn’t even told my closest friend.
When you say aloud the things that happened and what you were told, you actually begin to understand how stupid they sound. Your friends try to tell you all the time but you have to reach the conclusion yourself.
I am now getting on with my life. I have a new saying “love many, trust few, living life to the full!”
After this set back I was excited to get a new job. It was for the same company but a secondment. It caused my confidence to grow immensely, and I have received some very welcome male attention. I was so pleased when they offered me the position. I travel round the country training fellow healthcare professionals on a new computer system. It is the best job in the world as far as I am concerned. I stay in hotels during the week and I get every weekend off. If I finish training early then I go back to the hotel early. I get my dinner paid for by the company as well as the standard bed and breakfast. They pay for one drink with my meal, give me a hire car and pay for all the petrol. What more could a girl need?
The best part of the job is that I get to meet new people every day, something that is high on the wish list of a single girl. I may be going over the same stuff day after day but every session is different because the trainee’s personalities are so very varied and they all bring something different to the training.
I sat in my hotel room one night and watched The Full Monty and it reminded me of my ex so much. One if the stripped a looks just like him with the same dumpy physic. I almost felt sad, and then I reminded myself that I don’t have to settle for that type of bloke anymore. Not that my ex had the same sweet nature of The Full Monty boys. I am now setting my sights on handsome chaps, in suits, with reasonable amounts of money too.
You may think that I’m setting my sights a little high but I got a real ego boost that continued for nearly a year. Let’s just say I had a good time and I knew I was worth more!?!? This did eventually have to end as I started to want to settle down and that wouldn’t have been possible.
It’s strange what you see when you are on the road. Plenty more stories to come…