People talk about the emotional cycle of change a lot around me. And I can now recognise every stage that I go through. I don’t mean that I am on one cycle. I can be juggling several cycles each day. If you ask me about work I’ll be at one stage and if you ask about my weight loss I’d be on another.
In the space of a day I can be up and down that chart like its a fairground ride. Take Monday for example. I started the day as low as possible. I didn’t want to go to work, so much so I got a stomach upset, because I wanted to be at home with my husband and our gorgeous fur baby.
Then when I got to work and forgot the urge to be at home I started to think about the IVF. I’d read a few other blog posts that morning about failed attempts and obviously my subconscious had been thinking about them and was brewing up a frenzy. “What if I haven’t lost enough weight?” “What if the massages aren’t enough to help the scar tissue?” “What if my blood type messes things up completely?” “We’d only been pregnant once and that resulted in a miscarriage, what if I am unable to carry a child?”
Then I got busy with work and started to clear some clutter away from my desk. The thoughts were no longer spinning round my head. I was putting them in compartments and answering them logically. All in all I decided I couldn’t carry on until November torturing myself with these thoughts. That’s not going to help anyone. Especially my little miracle that is waiting to come to me!
I am 1000x fitter than I was six months ago. As of Tuesday morning I am 5st 2 1/2lb lighter. As for the scar tissue plenty of women have c sections and still have a second child. My blood type isn’t going to be a problem because we know what it is and medical science is a marvel. And lastly I only had one miscarriage so I am not going to put myself in that category.
By the end of the day I was empowered again and ready to fight on with this journey, that also had a lot to do with it being support group night!
And then it all starts over again. I’m sure I’ll be like this until I’m over in Greece and it is actually happening. It may even go up and down more and more as the time gets nearer and my hormones get messed with but for now I’m starting my day feeling positive about our future again. Bring it on. Let’s see you take me on again Mother Nature. When I want something I fight until I get it not until I lose!