I’ve always had a difficult relationship with food. The main thing is that I like it too much. I started to get “too big” at high school and I never really turned back. When I was thirty I had a spell when I lost a lot of weight and was doing really well. Then I started to get self conscious about the flapping skin that was left behind from the weight loss. I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time and I was running out of ways to hide it. I got really depressed and turned to my doctor to see if the NHS could do something to get rid of it. Sadly they couldn’t. So the depression took hold and I started to comfort eat again. Getting bigger and bigger. 

I was happy though. Especially when I met my husband. He loved me inside and out and I didn’t feel I had to change for him. 

The next time I lost weight was when I was in hospital. The infection and the drugs were making me feel sick. I couldn’t eat much only tuc biscuits most of the time. 

At the end of this spell I was doing quite well and then they took my last ovary. Instant menopause. Immobile and craving lots of food that I struggled to metabolise. I completely ballooned. I was still happy though. I was fit for my size, although I did start to suffer with my feet, and as far as I was concerned we were going to adopt and our lives would be complete. 

A lot of people thought I started to lose weight this time because of the medical report from the adoption agency. You know the one that said they could let me have a child because I was likely to die soon! That was definitely not the reason. No one ever forces me to do something. If you need confirmation of that ask my parents about trying to get me to stop smoking! 

This time the reason was huge. We had decided we wanted to have egg donation IVF and for that to be a success I needed to be as healthy as I can be. We didn’t really tell anyone we were on a diet. I was worried it wouldn’t work because of the menopause and didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. I told my sister, who is a slimming world consultant, because I thought she would be able to give me hints and tips (which she does) and I told the people in my fertility support group because they are supportive whatever the outcome. 

I joined slimming world online because I don’t have time to do the housework never mind going to a group and that’s the way I had lost weight before. Everything you need is at the touch of a button. Recepies, Syn values and words of encouragement. 

In my first week I lost 4 1/2 lb. that was a good start and really did my confidence good. Just like any regular slimmer I did the whole “it’s my first week. Everyone looses big on their first week” Still with no self confidence. 

Then the second week it was 2 1/2lb. I thought the scales were broken! Then it was 2lb. I must have been doing something right. To help me keep this up I started taking green tea capsules as well. I’d read that they helped so I thought why not. I had my big 40 birthday around this time and decided I wasn’t going to worry about dieting. I had a fab party with lots of alcohol and cake! That week I maintained my weight. I was happy with that though. It was what I was expecting. 

After that I lost 6lb. Wow. What happened. But from then on it was 6-7lb every week. I couldn’t believe it. I started to feel like I was on the right path. That our goal was closer than we thought. We could really do this and do it well. I even started to dream about what it will be like when we do have a child. To be able to run around after them. To go to the park with them and play in the playground. 

Physically I didn’t really notice a eureka moment until I wasn’t feeling well. When I felt ill I was struggling to walk up the stairs at work and suddenly realised that I hadn’t felt like that for weeks. I use to really puff when I went upstairs. My scars didn’t pull so much and movement was generally better. 

Last week I only lost 4 1/2lb but I had had a flexible syns day (Chinese takeaway!) so I wasn’t that surprised. I was disappointed though when the slimming world site told me my total loss was 4st 13lb!!!! What? 1lb? 1lb off of 5st? Why did I not skip those ribs. Why did I insist on eating the prawn crackers? Well I’ll just have to work harder next week. I will get my 5st award. I will have to go straight to the 5 1/2st award actually. Get back on track. 

I find slimming world the easiest diet to follow. I love my food and this way I can eat as much as I like as long as it’s the right stuff. I’ve tried many a diet. Weight watchers was too much like hard work. I couldn’t keep up with the counting everything. And when I tried slim fast my GP took me off of it because my metabolism was shutting down. Quite frankly with my own slimming world consultant at the end of the phone it really was a no brainer. 

When I first started I set a goal I thought I could achieve. A stone to lose. How was I to know I would get there so quickly. I changed it and then I changed it again. I only started to tell other people when I started to lose half a stone a week. It was going to become noticeable. 

I got tons of support but now I worry that I’m going to let other people down if I don’t lose weight every week. Before I would only have let myself down and that I could handle. When other people are asking for updates on your weight loss you suddenly get an extra pressure. At the moment I’m still losing weight so it’s not an issue but there may be a time I won’t. I guess I’ll have to see how it all pans out if that ever happens.  

Weigh day tomorrow so watch this space. 

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