My husband and I decided to share our story because so many people knew little snippets about what had happened to me over the last few years. Some people at work saw me being helped to the car because I was in so much pain and then they only saw me pop back and forth where I was being taken in an out of hospital. Those people really had no idea what had actually happened to me or the implications of it. There were some that knew I had had to have my ovaries removed and could work out what that meant. They were the ones that would be the most shocked if I was to announce after xmas that I was pregnant! There would be so many questions so we decided to get all the questions over and done with before we start.
My biggest frustration has been with the people that know exactly what’s been going on but have either not understood, and not wanted to ask questions and look stupid, or didn’t care enough about the subject to take it in. Now the subject is very real and we are talking about it left right and centre, these people are being forced into understanding it. We have had comments about the fact that they wouldn’t do it if they were us… What if I die during childbirth?…. Couldn’t you use a surrogate with my eggs….. Why can’t you be satisfied with the life you’ve got?…… You can’t afford to have kids.
I have wanted kids since I was at least 18. At one time it was all I could think about. When I met my husband I did realise that there were other things in life but then my reasons changed from wanting someone who would always love me to wanting to have a mini version of my husband who would make someone as happy as he had made me. Having a child is a woman’s natural right and for some of us it is difficult. But why would that make our feelings change? We still long for that baby in our arms. For me losing the part of my body that could allow that was a wrench. Was I still a woman? This clinic is giving me a chance to answer yes to that question. They will be finding me a generous woman who is giving me the eggs that I need to make our baby. They will have my husbands DNA from the outset and then my DNA will get passed through the placenta. I for one can not wait to meet the individual that is going to be a mixture of us both.
As far as me dying is concerned I am beginning to get a complex. The adoption agency said they couldn’t let us adopt because I was too big and I might die! Any IVF pregnancy is a high risk pregnancy so I will be monitored very very closely. If the doctors think there is any risk I will be given different options and we will have to make our first decision as parents. In fact our GP surgery, where we had our blood tests done, are very excited about this and are supporting us every step of the way.
Lastly I would like to hear from any parent that was actually able to afford kids when they had them. If none of this had happened to me then I may well have got pregnant naturally or even by accident! Would we have said no I can’t be pregnant and had an abortion? Never in a million years. You find a way. You make ends meet. You make it work.
Just to make sure everyone is on the same page here. We are doing this. When we go away in November we will be in Greece. The only person who will be able to change our mind will be a medical professional. In the words of my wise old Dad “You are our daughter. We will support you with whatever you do in life”
I really hope you get your happy ending, infertility is a horrible long journey to be on i was on it for 3 years and had to watch both my and my husbands family and friends fall so easily or by mistake it was heart breaking especially after losing a baby, after 3 years we finally got a surgery date to help us out with conceiving for me to only go into the hospital on my surgery day and be turned away as they kept repeating the words your pregnant you can go home, it still didn’t settle in until the 12 week scan where i saw my perfect wriggling baby, that baby is now a one year old as of tomorrow morning, as much heart ache as i went through she was worth every minute, i truly hope you guys get your little miracle soon xx
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Oh my goodness. A real miracle baby. Happy birthday to your bundle of joy and thank you for sharing. It’s nice to have the good news stories to cling on to x
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I cannot believe any adoption agency would turn you down. Yes maybe you were “big” and maybe that has an impact on your health but we all get in cars every day or cross roads and anything could happen to any of us regardless of how healthy a lifestyle we have! It’s not the adoption agency’s loss. It’s a child who could have had a loving home eho loses out!
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Towards the end of the process they kept saying there were no children to adopt. That there was a waiting list. Except I then had to listen to their advert on the radio every day. Doubly upsetting X
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Good for you both Terry an Simon no one has the right to tell you right from wrong until they walk in your shoes … I hope it all goes well an all your hopes an dreams come to life xxx
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Thank you Cora x
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I have friends/family who have struggled to get pregnant and at the opposite end those who have got pregnant by “accident” and have also had the heartache of a miscarriage plus know people who have been through the same. I won’t even pretend or insult you guys by saying I understand what you are going through but very much believe having babies is what mother nature would want for us. I never realised how important it was until I had my two. We had a perfectly wonderful life before children but have an AMAZING one now, despite all the ups and downs. Your journey is both heartbreaking and inspirational and the way you are sharing it with everyone is just beautiful and so honest. Wishing you all the best in your amazing journey xxxxx
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Thank you Ruth. Lots of people can have empathy for us. And to us that’s enough. We wouldn’t wish this on any body so would prefer that no one completely understood. Thank you for your kind words. Much love X X X
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Loved your rant today, how evil can people be? You have such a wonderful confident attitude to this and I applause you 👏👏👏👏👏
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Thank you Linda. I must say I don’t let these things bother me so much now. I have so many supportive friends I can choose to ignore comments like those x
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I completely understand why you are doing this honey. Being nearly 40 and still not having the opportunity to have a child yet is only a heartache some people will understand. As I haven’t found my Mr Right yet, I am still yet to discover if there will be any issues with my fertility too and I am nerves to find out.
If this is something you want them you have to try everything to see if you can achieve it. Those who don’t understand or don’t want to will undoubtly never understand.
Stay positive and lean on your support network. We lucky in the knowledge that you have a loving husband who is by your side.
If you ever want to talk then you know where I am.
Good luck on your journey and proviledged that I can read your blog. It’s a great insight into your day to day battle.
Love ya!
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Thank you sweetie. Likewise I am always here if you ever need to rant x
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