My husband and I decided to share our story because so many people knew little snippets about what had happened to me over the last few years. Some people at work saw me being helped to the car because I was in so much pain and then they only saw me pop back and forth where I was being taken in an out of hospital. Those people really had no idea what had actually happened to me or the implications of it. There were some that knew I had had to have my ovaries removed and could work out what that meant. They were the ones that would be the most shocked if I was to announce after xmas that I was pregnant! There would be so many questions so we decided to get all the questions over and done with before we start.
My biggest frustration has been with the people that know exactly what’s been going on but have either not understood, and not wanted to ask questions and look stupid, or didn’t care enough about the subject to take it in. Now the subject is very real and we are talking about it left right and centre, these people are being forced into understanding it. We have had comments about the fact that they wouldn’t do it if they were us… What if I die during childbirth?…. Couldn’t you use a surrogate with my eggs….. Why can’t you be satisfied with the life you’ve got?…… You can’t afford to have kids.
I have wanted kids since I was at least 18. At one time it was all I could think about. When I met my husband I did realise that there were other things in life but then my reasons changed from wanting someone who would always love me to wanting to have a mini version of my husband who would make someone as happy as he had made me. Having a child is a woman’s natural right and for some of us it is difficult. But why would that make our feelings change? We still long for that baby in our arms. For me losing the part of my body that could allow that was a wrench. Was I still a woman? This clinic is giving me a chance to answer yes to that question. They will be finding me a generous woman who is giving me the eggs that I need to make our baby. They will have my husbands DNA from the outset and then my DNA will get passed through the placenta. I for one can not wait to meet the individual that is going to be a mixture of us both.
As far as me dying is concerned I am beginning to get a complex. The adoption agency said they couldn’t let us adopt because I was too big and I might die! Any IVF pregnancy is a high risk pregnancy so I will be monitored very very closely. If the doctors think there is any risk I will be given different options and we will have to make our first decision as parents. In fact our GP surgery, where we had our blood tests done, are very excited about this and are supporting us every step of the way.
Lastly I would like to hear from any parent that was actually able to afford kids when they had them. If none of this had happened to me then I may well have got pregnant naturally or even by accident! Would we have said no I can’t be pregnant and had an abortion? Never in a million years. You find a way. You make ends meet. You make it work.
Just to make sure everyone is on the same page here. We are doing this. When we go away in November we will be in Greece. The only person who will be able to change our mind will be a medical professional. In the words of my wise old Dad “You are our daughter. We will support you with whatever you do in life”